Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Today is Day Eight

Maybe we have one or two more? I am really wondering what I am going to do with the void left from this project when it is over? The project is so all-encompassing that I am really anticipating a real feeling of loss when it's done. 

I know Zach has been writing about his experiences with the blurring of real and fake in our dual (real life working and conceptual) relationships. It seems that he was more wary of not keeping them more separate than I was in the beginning. The blurred lines have sometimes been confusing or caused strange tension, but I really do think it adds an important dimension to the project. I like that we can switch back an forth from character to a time out and really hash out real or conceptual feelings at any given moment. This blurriness means that we are not just actors playing house, but going through the motions and emotions of something very real. Now we have something real to write about, feel, photograph and experience. 

He brought up something else that I think is important to address, which is that we are not trying to make fun of people who choose the normative path by doing this project. My own interest is only to say 'hey, that's not for me'. Well, parts of it are for me; just not the huge white wedding and the children part. I DO want a life partner whom I would probably marry. I just don't want to be boxed into a life that is expected of me. I want to make my own path with my own rules (in conjunction with a like-minded parter). At 34, this is a lot more visceral and real to me than it may be to Zach at 26. Most everyone I know is married or in a relationship (with or without children) while most everyone he knows is single and in their mid-20s still figuring it out. This is a huge difference in how we are approaching the project as well. What we are doing conceptually, I understand in real life. For him, it may be more abstract.  I sometimes think it's odd that I am pretending to do this when everyone else my age is really doing it, but then again, isn't that the point? 

I would say that this has not been cathartic or theraputic or anything else of that sort, but rather has reminded me of how easily I fall into relationship patterns. It's also a safe way to investigate these feelings and patterns in a low-risk situation. 

Anyhow, today we play house again; this time with the baby pulling us apart. I am again, not looking forward to pushing a doll around in a stroller in my neighborhood. I already stand out enough as it is and don't need my neighbors thinking 'there's that crazy white chick again...'.

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