Thursday, April 29, 2010

Who holds the real 'truth'?

In every kind of relationship, there are always multiple versions of truth. One person remembers an incident in their one way while another will have their memory changed by something as simple as an emotional trigger. I have been reading Zach's responses to me and thinking about my own responses to past events and realize that these are the reason that he and I cannot reconcile, post-project. His idea of truth is not mine. His idea of the bond of trust is not mine. We do not share the common memory of these most basic ideas, therefore leaving us on opposite sides of the fence.

The other major conclusion I came to is about my investment in art. In making this project an art piece I placed very high expectations and investment into it because I AM an artist and this is how I work as an artist. I don't idly pass my time with an art piece as a hobby. The art, any art, becomes part of my identity. This is not the case for Zach. He never had the same investment and now I can understand why, when he left the project, it was so easy for him and so hard for me to grasp. I placed an unfair expectation on him that he would have the same artistic investment and caring for the project as me, just because that is how I work. It is not Zach's fault that he is not an artist and doesn't understand how much is at stake when invested in a project. It IS however, his fault that he handled his departure poorly.

Maybe forgiveness is one of those things people hold in different esteem as well. At this point, my arm is tired from holding out provisional olive branches. May he have a happy life with all things related to this project erased. For me, it is something I did that I will never regret, will always hold dear, but will also somewhere remain as an emotional black spot.

Thank you all.