Sunday, April 26, 2009
The relationship is actually over but neither of us feel like it is real or feel any real sense of closure. Tomorrow I will sort through the zillions of photos I took of us separating, me leaving, the custody situation and Zach as a single dad. I don't think that will make it feel more over either. Today we also recorded audio about how we feel about the project and our different expectations, etc. I think it's a really interesting 30 minute conversation which I would like to include in some future presentation of the project, but it still doesn't feel over. Maybe we are just too nice to each other and too close in our real life relationship to have really gotten into the awful feeling of the separation and the end. Maybe if we had really duked it out it would feel more final. We fought half-heartedly here and there but it wasn't enough to really get me upset or actually emotionally affected by it. I know that I did not want to be emotionally affected by the end, but I DO want to feel the end. Closure beyond the photographs seems important. I am at a loss right now. Maybe when this week goes on and I have nothing to plan or photograph I'll start to feel the void. Maybe I'm just in the denial stage right now.
Posted by Ellie Brown at 10:06 PM