Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Everything is changed

If I was a woman who had just given birth to our lovely Wren, perhaps I would feel excited but more likely I'm guessing I would feel sore, tired, anxious, cranky and probably a bit depressed. It so interesting how very few women actually talk about the down side of having babies. Brook Shields did; I remember very clearly. I was glad that she spoke out about PPD. 
Why do women say they can't remember the pain of labor? Is that really true or is it a myth in place to keep women having babies?  There is nothing pleasant or easy about the process.

In my conceptual birth, I had a natural childbirth in water, 3 hours of hard labor, my husband was in the room helping me breathe and everything great...but I still didn't want to be having that child.  Now it's here and I can't sleep because it's so amazingly needy and I'm the one to feed it. I feel protective over it, but not something called love. Right now, it's a siren that won't go  off and it's dictating every move I make. This is not fun or joyful. I really resent my husband pushing the matter so I went through with the birth and now just sort of standing in the background waiting for me to give an order or request for help. I think he doesn't know how or when to help yet.  I don't want this life. I don't want to feel or behave like this. I want sleep.

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