Saturday, September 5, 2009

Post 101

It's funny that the 101st post is actually the start of a new era for the project. The 100s will be about the epilogue. They will address Zach's abandonment of the project and our relationship. The epilogue is about what happens when all relationships end and the bitterness, blame, regret and pain they almost always seem to encompass.

I am in full possession of the project and the route it takes now. There was so much time and work spent on the project, I refuse to abandon it. I want it to fly. At the same time, it's a constant reminder of something sweet that was left out to rot. Does anyone really want to go around promoting a book about yourself and an ex? Probably not. This is my current dilemma, but I think that the solution will be to talk about everything from now on. That is, from me answering the craigslist advertisement to the final phone call. It's now all sealed as part of the conceptual story turned real.

Two things are ringing in my head right now. One was Zach speaking in the audio from day nine about how someday we really will be seeing each other for the last time and how when that day arrived, I didn't know IT was the day. The very last thing I did on that day was hand him a copy of the book.
The other thing was how he was always unsettled about how we never had a real ending or real fighting in the conceptual relationship and now we switched to the real life goodbye which ironically has more fighting than either of us would ever have wished for and a real final goodbye. I guess the moral of the story is to watch what you wish for.

This ending is not surprising, but still heartbreakingly sad.
I wish Zach luck finding what it is he is looking for. I am looking forward to the new life of the project without him.

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