Who holds the real 'truth'?

In every kind of relationship, there are always multiple versions of truth. One person remembers an incident in their one way while another will have their memory changed by something as simple as an emotional trigger. I have been reading Zach's responses to me and thinking about my own responses to past events and realize that these are the reason that he and I cannot reconcile, post-project. His idea of truth is not mine. His idea of the bond of trust is not mine. We do not share the common memory of these most basic ideas, therefore leaving us on opposite sides of the fence.

The other major conclusion I came to is about my investment in art. In making this project an art piece I placed very high expectations and investment into it because I AM an artist and this is how I work as an artist. I don't idly pass my time with an art piece as a hobby. The art, any art, becomes part of my identity. This is not the case for Zach. He never had the same investment and now I can understand why, when he left the project, it was so easy for him and so hard for me to grasp. I placed an unfair expectation on him that he would have the same artistic investment and caring for the project as me, just because that is how I work. It is not Zach's fault that he is not an artist and doesn't understand how much is at stake when invested in a project. It IS however, his fault that he handled his departure poorly.

Maybe forgiveness is one of those things people hold in different esteem as well. At this point, my arm is tired from holding out provisional olive branches. May he have a happy life with all things related to this project erased. For me, it is something I did that I will never regret, will always hold dear, but will also somewhere remain as an emotional black spot.

Thank you all.

Male vs. Female

The battle of the sexes never ends. I have been paying careful attention in the last (almost) year to who has a visceral or emotional response to this project and I'm finding that the majority of the 'fans' are women. I'm wondering if this is because women feel social scripting or the pressure of socialization more acutely? Maybe it's because women can relate to the story told primarily from a female voice? I'd like to hear your responses to this question.

The recent slew of comments on burn magazine, ranging from attacking to supportive, supported this theory as well. The women who commented tended to be sympathetic to the project while many of the men (not all of course) couldn't get past technical talk. I am not trying to put people into their gender pockets here, but the observations can't be denied.

It should be noted that Zach refused to participate in support of the project on burn magazine and again refuse his responsibility to the project. In a statement, he wrote "you probably wouldn't like what I have to say anyways". He also doesn't want to meet on the one-year anniversary of the beginning of our project. It does not matter whether I feel positively or negatively about him, I am still proud of the work I invested and feel sorry for him for what he missed.

My final words on the subject are words of advice: don't mix business with pleasure, or in this case, reality with the fictional.

BURN Magazine

The photo essay is posted on BURN Magazine's website NOW! Please check it out.

http://www.burnmagazine.org/

The challenge has been laid out

If you re-read Zach's initial craigslist posting, it has a day for the couple to run into each other some time after the relationship ends. We began the project April 1st, 2009. I am proposing to him (and in public here) that he and I "run into" each other just as we are now for a real ending to the project. The ending as it exists now is falsified because we were still hanging out afterwards. In the present, Zach and I actually do not talk and I believe a 'chance' meeting would be more authentic and final. Let's see if he goes for it.

This idea comes from remembering anniversary dates, but more importantly from reading about Marina Abromovic's current performance piece at MOMA. After a goodbye ritual from her long time collaborator, Ulay, in 1988, they met again at her staring table at MOMA. They stared at each other, touched hands and a tear was streaming down her face. The idea of relationships being something that are organic, constantly changing, and only finalized by death is interesting to me.